Beginning. Middle. End. Three things which define a story.
At 4am one should really be asleep, but after a solid 2-3 days of work and all the related stress that comes with academics, it can be justified to reward someone with a chance to flex their body clock's muscles. Or, in short, to not care about their lectures tomorrow afternoon and hope they don't miss breakfast. 09:30am is a cruel deadline for food.
Rewind. Within the last 48 hours I was struck with the realisation that I was actually angry. There's a point I should make here - I don't really have the time of day to be angry. 2008 was the year I was taught patience, the hard way. Hard being the key word here. When you learn a "skill" like patience under testing conditions, are you actually undermining the foundation of what you're learning or enhancing it with real life experience? I would have said the latter, and I reckon I still would do now. But I will still cast doubt on this.
Angry? Why? Teenage angst striking again in these, my final 6 weeks of being a teenager? Hardly. Not to scoff the idea of random bouts of emotional flux, but that is something I like to believe I have grown out of. No, this anger was genuine, if unexpected.
Seriously, why then? I can be sure that the reason was slow burning and part of a chain effect. I learnt patience via burying my troubles at the time and never addressing them again. While I said to one poor best friend that she "could never understand" and so was useless to talk to because she "couldn't ever provide sympathy" or see my viewpoint, I probably should have not been so dismissive (or rude). I would preach one thing and contradict it myself. My advice of always talking to a friend when in need fell on my own deaf ears. This is the beginning of the story.
Bottled up experiences with no release valve therefore have a horrid tendency to reappear now and then. A simple trigger is all that is needed. This trigger was a card with a mouse on it. The mouse has no relevance.
The card is from one person I could possibly pin all blame on. I won't because no single person is solely responsible and you yourself can never be absent from blame. You're involved the moment you react, regardless if you wanted to or not. The card sends greetings, well wishes and an invitation. An invite to have a family Christmas dinner. This is the trigger of the story.
Family is a word I hold both dear and distant. My family is, and always will be, my priority in life. I've always loved my family, I still do, and one day I will love my own. But take it with a pinch of sodium chloride. There are some experiences in the world which stretch even that very tight bond and I fear mine has stretched too far, like a jumper stretched beyond repair. And having never directly addressed every issue in the chain of events, the damage may be done for many years or decades.
The blanket and support of a family was cut from me, somewhat faster and cruder than the average teenager experiences by simply growing up and moving onwards. The blanket itself now lies in torn chunks and that makes it rather hard to have Christmas dinner. This is the middle of the story.
Last year I sought a new blanket and found it with a friend or two. And what good blankets they were. This year I don't know what to do. A false proposal of a "family" made from the original blanket but which remains incomplete is pitted against a real family, albeit not my own but a damn fine replacement. I'm leaning towards the latter, but subtle guilt trips are the trigger. They spark the chain.
What's in this chain? Near enough anything that has happened in the past 3 years, or even 6 years. A spiral of illogical thinking cascades the situation. First being angry over a guilt trip triggers a memory of why things are how they are. Anger results as you realise how this actually has altered the way you act for years now. Then you notice the effects of your actions which you wish you could change, and could have, had this chain of events not started. Triggers cause memories, which cause anger and regret.
Regret that many things could have been different in the past 2 years had I acted differently. But you can't act differently when things in the background are controlling you at the time in ways you don't realise. And as everything is bottled up, no problems are addressed and solved. With nothing solved, triggers in the future remind you of these unsolved problems. The chain continues. The story ends.
Every story has a moral at the end of it. Mine is simple - don't leave a problem unsolved. Talk about it, because suppressed things come back to bite you and can easily result from an indirect trigger. The drama that can follow can almost form a story. My story? It begins with me ignoring problems, so that one trigger reminds me of one problem, cascading to another problem and another in a chain. In the end, it's all a bit out of control. Seriously kids, don't bottle shit up.
Who knew one Christmas invite could incite such irritation?
Bah, humbug.
Average Ken x
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Working Class Boy to Model Student
There was a reason, or rather a large number of them, as to why I am now at university and why I wasn't already here last year and why I am not still dredging away at the public sector's To-Do List.
To confine a convoluted tale of treachery and debauchery into a finite number of sentences, it's best to say I was not in the same mind-set as the majority of my peers when Year 12 was coming to a close. Most people had just battled their way through AS Level exams with less than pleasing results and were now concentrating on rectifying the mess. However they would go on to do this with a target; an actual aim which drove their desire to improve on the fairly inevitable mess-ups that the first half of A Levels usually holds. The summer would be spent investigating these targets i.e. what would come next?
The answer for most is usually university, with which comes the research of "where?" and "what?". Open days and trips to visit these places were common for most, and many would proceed to begin their personal statements and UCAS applications.
Elsewhere, none of this has even occurred to me. Maybe in part to me paying little-to-no attention to my Head of Year demanding we get our acts together, or maybe due to my own personal life going to hell and back. Either way, come the start of Year 13, I was definitely out of the loop. And frankly, I never found the motivation to catch up with the rest of the pack.
My priorities were simple - stabilise my life and correct my previous grades. I didn't have some kind of fantastic goal at the end of this, but I wasn't going to let personal troubles get the better of me by ruining my grades. 7 months of hell was not going to ruin 7 years of preparation.
To what end though? I disliked the idea of uni (I am a homeward bound kinda guy) but I didn't want to stagnate. So, with a growing hatred of all the talk about university, I looked down other paths. Previous ideas of studying dentistry, psychiatry, psychology, forensics, veterinary science, medicine and criminology all fell by the way side as time went on. I concluded I should join the police force, and work my way up via nothing but old-fashioned hard work. I still don't quite understand why I felt compelled to believe I could quite manage this...
While the idea of the police force is, and always has been, rather appealing to me, I don't believe missing out on university was really as good an idea I must have previously thought it was. Lacking a degree these days is quite the disadvantage. With the ever increasing problems of getting jobs in an ever-shrinking market, one must be able to stand head-over-shoulders above the rest. While in the past a degree would have been sufficient to do this, now most people have degrees. So what next, everyone gets Masters and then doctorates...? Regardless, a lack of any degree is now something that greatly goes against you in the job hunt.
So with this in mind, I am now sat here at the University of Nottingham with nothing but good intentions and an open-mind. Not that I arrived in that way, but I've found the transition to student life far easier than I was imagining I would. Perhaps the shake-ups of life over the past 2 years have long prepared me for coming here and dealing with it, but dealt with it I have. While I chose to study Zoology based more on personal interest than with a specific career goal in mind, I hope my decision will not backfire on me and that I'll leave here in 2013 with 3 letters at the end of my name, a once-in-a-lifetime experience under my belt and a better chance of not doing Braintree Council's filing anymore.
Average Ken. x
To confine a convoluted tale of treachery and debauchery into a finite number of sentences, it's best to say I was not in the same mind-set as the majority of my peers when Year 12 was coming to a close. Most people had just battled their way through AS Level exams with less than pleasing results and were now concentrating on rectifying the mess. However they would go on to do this with a target; an actual aim which drove their desire to improve on the fairly inevitable mess-ups that the first half of A Levels usually holds. The summer would be spent investigating these targets i.e. what would come next?
The answer for most is usually university, with which comes the research of "where?" and "what?". Open days and trips to visit these places were common for most, and many would proceed to begin their personal statements and UCAS applications.
Elsewhere, none of this has even occurred to me. Maybe in part to me paying little-to-no attention to my Head of Year demanding we get our acts together, or maybe due to my own personal life going to hell and back. Either way, come the start of Year 13, I was definitely out of the loop. And frankly, I never found the motivation to catch up with the rest of the pack.
My priorities were simple - stabilise my life and correct my previous grades. I didn't have some kind of fantastic goal at the end of this, but I wasn't going to let personal troubles get the better of me by ruining my grades. 7 months of hell was not going to ruin 7 years of preparation.
To what end though? I disliked the idea of uni (I am a homeward bound kinda guy) but I didn't want to stagnate. So, with a growing hatred of all the talk about university, I looked down other paths. Previous ideas of studying dentistry, psychiatry, psychology, forensics, veterinary science, medicine and criminology all fell by the way side as time went on. I concluded I should join the police force, and work my way up via nothing but old-fashioned hard work. I still don't quite understand why I felt compelled to believe I could quite manage this...
While the idea of the police force is, and always has been, rather appealing to me, I don't believe missing out on university was really as good an idea I must have previously thought it was. Lacking a degree these days is quite the disadvantage. With the ever increasing problems of getting jobs in an ever-shrinking market, one must be able to stand head-over-shoulders above the rest. While in the past a degree would have been sufficient to do this, now most people have degrees. So what next, everyone gets Masters and then doctorates...? Regardless, a lack of any degree is now something that greatly goes against you in the job hunt.
So with this in mind, I am now sat here at the University of Nottingham with nothing but good intentions and an open-mind. Not that I arrived in that way, but I've found the transition to student life far easier than I was imagining I would. Perhaps the shake-ups of life over the past 2 years have long prepared me for coming here and dealing with it, but dealt with it I have. While I chose to study Zoology based more on personal interest than with a specific career goal in mind, I hope my decision will not backfire on me and that I'll leave here in 2013 with 3 letters at the end of my name, a once-in-a-lifetime experience under my belt and a better chance of not doing Braintree Council's filing anymore.
Average Ken. x
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Muse @ Wembley Stadium, September 11th 2010
Location: Wembley Stadium, London.
Supports: I Am Arrows, White Lies, Biffy Clyro.
As promised, I am a wealth of gig-based experiences and fancy using that to talk endearingly about some gigs I have attended. And as this was quite a recent one, I feel I should get to work soon!
Now Muse are a band with a reputation to uphold - they own the crown for being one of the most stunning and visually mind-bending bands to watch live and, as such, have it all to lose. Riding high in 2008 off the tidal wave of success that came with Black Holes and Revelations, they sold out arena after arena in just hours. This supersonic rise to the top ended with a double-date residency of Wembley Stadium and the band were pipped to the post of being the first to play the new venue by the devilishly sneaky George Michael. Many would argue that Muse, nonetheless, flattened poor George's success by staging a show featuring everything from 50 foot high satellite dishes to a backdrop-screen big enough to fill the stadium car park...
Such a landmark show was worthy of being captured on DVD and hence H.A.A.R.P was released. So what comes next?
If you've already soared to the pinnacle of success and are bigger than all bar maybe Oasis and U2, what can follow a 160,000 person sell-out weekend? The answer was simple - do it again. So two years on, fans are once again greeted into the endless cavern of Wembley. But long gone are the normal parameters of what a stage should look like. Before the fans stands one giant, geometrical mindfuck.
Best described as a "wedge with a dent in the middle", fans could only speculate as to what the thing would look like later that night.
But kicking off proceedings were Brit indie-rockers I Am Arrows (6/10). Trying to warm up the crowd after the long 90 minute wait since doors opening, and playing to a stadium barely one-third full, this relatively unknown band faced a difficult challenge. Featuring former Razorlight drummer Andy Burrows, the band play a set of easy-going and soothing rock music, with the air of a band who are more likely to cradle you to sleep on a sunny day that cause a lasting impression. This is by no-means a bad thing, but while their stage-banter is somewhat lacking and the music easily forgettable, they are pleasant to listen to. A cover of Tears For Fears "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" doesn't hurt either.
Following on are London-based White Lies (5/10). A band with a handful of radio-famous tracks and a noticeable fan-base present who sing along to singles "To Lose My Life" and "Farewell To The Fairground", they leave a greater impression than their predecessors. However this is not necessarily a great thing - their sound is a more downbeat and depressing affair. While they get the crowd singing, they leave a slightly displeasing after taste in the air.
Scottish heroes Biffy Clyro (8/10) blast all such feelings out of the water though. Greeted as if they were the headliners themselves, and holding a stage presence to match, they erupt onto the stage to "That Golden Rule" and the crowd are instantly sucked into an 11-song set, focussing heavily on the new platinum-selling album Only Revolutions. Fierce energy from "Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies" is matched by majestic sing-alongs for "Many of Horror". Old-favourite "Glitter and Trauma" is unfortunately lost on newer fans, who may yet not be up to speed with the Biffy's full catalogue. Looking like Norse God Thor after stumbling into trousers too tight and too bright to understand, Simon Neil cuts an interesting figure as he sways his hips and leads the crowd through uniting closer "The Captain". Stadiums will surely await this band as well before long.
By now, the lights are all that keep the stadium bright. The sun has set and clouds close in. To the sound of a siren and a parade of flags and political banners, Muse (10/10) kick-off the evening with a gob-smacking opening of "Uprising" and "Supermassive Black Hole"; the crowd can been seen jumping like the floor is made of hot coals. Fan favourites follow in "MK Ultra", "Map of the Problematique" and the very rarely heard "Bliss", leaving the air positively crackling with excitement and happiness. Aside from excellently delivered music, the band have once again upped the quality of their show - the wedge features enough lights to sink Belgium into the sea, with the sides acting as screens and a screen-come-disco ball adorning the top.
There are no sparks and there is no pyro, but a token use of the confetti cannon adds to the jubilant atmosphere. Further fan favourite "Citizen Erased" helps things reach fever pitch before the band later take to a scissor lift platform and ascend to the heavens and to the middle of the crowd. Here, they play the R'n'B influenced "Undisclosed Desires", with Dom swapping his kit for a set of bongos that look like the bastard child of a Christmas tree and a Pendulum lighting rig. "Starlight" and "Time Is Running Out" end the first part of the gig with sing alongs strong enough to shatter the stadium's walls.
Returning for an encore of "Exogenesis: Symphony, Part 1: Overture", things slow down while Bernie The UFO (complete with alien ballet-dancer) floats around to the highest stands in the stadium. "Stolkholme Syndrome" ends the encore with a burst of energy and a breakdown worth appreciating. However, no one can anticipate Matt's return for the 2nd encore. Adorned in a suit and glasses covered entirely in LED lights, the human Christmas decoration once again ascends on the scissor lift for "Take A Bow", before returning to the stage and ending the night with "Plug In Baby" and "Knights of Cydonia". Nothing is left afterwards except an air of triumph, 80,000 of the happiest punters you will meet all year and the world's most overcrowded tube station.
Where else can this Supermassive act go, other than upwards?
Average Ken x
Supports: I Am Arrows, White Lies, Biffy Clyro.
As promised, I am a wealth of gig-based experiences and fancy using that to talk endearingly about some gigs I have attended. And as this was quite a recent one, I feel I should get to work soon!
Such a landmark show was worthy of being captured on DVD and hence H.A.A.R.P was released. So what comes next?
If you've already soared to the pinnacle of success and are bigger than all bar maybe Oasis and U2, what can follow a 160,000 person sell-out weekend? The answer was simple - do it again. So two years on, fans are once again greeted into the endless cavern of Wembley. But long gone are the normal parameters of what a stage should look like. Before the fans stands one giant, geometrical mindfuck.
But kicking off proceedings were Brit indie-rockers I Am Arrows (6/10). Trying to warm up the crowd after the long 90 minute wait since doors opening, and playing to a stadium barely one-third full, this relatively unknown band faced a difficult challenge. Featuring former Razorlight drummer Andy Burrows, the band play a set of easy-going and soothing rock music, with the air of a band who are more likely to cradle you to sleep on a sunny day that cause a lasting impression. This is by no-means a bad thing, but while their stage-banter is somewhat lacking and the music easily forgettable, they are pleasant to listen to. A cover of Tears For Fears "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" doesn't hurt either.
Following on are London-based White Lies (5/10). A band with a handful of radio-famous tracks and a noticeable fan-base present who sing along to singles "To Lose My Life" and "Farewell To The Fairground", they leave a greater impression than their predecessors. However this is not necessarily a great thing - their sound is a more downbeat and depressing affair. While they get the crowd singing, they leave a slightly displeasing after taste in the air.
Scottish heroes Biffy Clyro (8/10) blast all such feelings out of the water though. Greeted as if they were the headliners themselves, and holding a stage presence to match, they erupt onto the stage to "That Golden Rule" and the crowd are instantly sucked into an 11-song set, focussing heavily on the new platinum-selling album Only Revolutions. Fierce energy from "Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies" is matched by majestic sing-alongs for "Many of Horror". Old-favourite "Glitter and Trauma" is unfortunately lost on newer fans, who may yet not be up to speed with the Biffy's full catalogue. Looking like Norse God Thor after stumbling into trousers too tight and too bright to understand, Simon Neil cuts an interesting figure as he sways his hips and leads the crowd through uniting closer "The Captain". Stadiums will surely await this band as well before long.
By now, the lights are all that keep the stadium bright. The sun has set and clouds close in. To the sound of a siren and a parade of flags and political banners, Muse (10/10) kick-off the evening with a gob-smacking opening of "Uprising" and "Supermassive Black Hole"; the crowd can been seen jumping like the floor is made of hot coals. Fan favourites follow in "MK Ultra", "Map of the Problematique" and the very rarely heard "Bliss", leaving the air positively crackling with excitement and happiness. Aside from excellently delivered music, the band have once again upped the quality of their show - the wedge features enough lights to sink Belgium into the sea, with the sides acting as screens and a screen-come-disco ball adorning the top.
There are no sparks and there is no pyro, but a token use of the confetti cannon adds to the jubilant atmosphere. Further fan favourite "Citizen Erased" helps things reach fever pitch before the band later take to a scissor lift platform and ascend to the heavens and to the middle of the crowd. Here, they play the R'n'B influenced "Undisclosed Desires", with Dom swapping his kit for a set of bongos that look like the bastard child of a Christmas tree and a Pendulum lighting rig. "Starlight" and "Time Is Running Out" end the first part of the gig with sing alongs strong enough to shatter the stadium's walls.
Returning for an encore of "Exogenesis: Symphony, Part 1: Overture", things slow down while Bernie The UFO (complete with alien ballet-dancer) floats around to the highest stands in the stadium. "Stolkholme Syndrome" ends the encore with a burst of energy and a breakdown worth appreciating. However, no one can anticipate Matt's return for the 2nd encore. Adorned in a suit and glasses covered entirely in LED lights, the human Christmas decoration once again ascends on the scissor lift for "Take A Bow", before returning to the stage and ending the night with "Plug In Baby" and "Knights of Cydonia". Nothing is left afterwards except an air of triumph, 80,000 of the happiest punters you will meet all year and the world's most overcrowded tube station.
Where else can this Supermassive act go, other than upwards?
Average Ken x
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Bandwagon
Not to try and make out that this whole blogging fascination is a bad thing, but a bandwagon it is nonetheless of late and it is one I feel curiously compelled to join. May it be that my blogs are of more or less interest to others than the more intelligent or amusing blogs out there, I'm not too bothered. You write for the sake of writing, and that's what I'm doing.
But what about? Well I am not going to write poetry as that's certainly not my strong point, nor do I lead a life of decisions made for me based on random chance, thanks to a pair of cubes. Though I would happily recommend both of these blogs for those seeking intelligence and a different view of things. And for the sake of another shameless plug, feel free to check out the musings of a drifter-kinda-guy.
Regardless, I cannot say that my blog will take such an approach. Rather, I'm likely to simply give my view on whatever I feel like doing so at the time. Not to rant, nor to lecture - simply to speak. As such, this blog will be a mixture of odds and sods, acting as more of an open diary than a sprawling epitaph of focus.
But as my passion is, inevitably, live music, then I would not count out the chance of detailed gig reviews. After all, I may end up as the editor of Kerrang one day. It seems to be the natural progression to take with a Zoology degree...
More to follow.
Average Ken x
But what about? Well I am not going to write poetry as that's certainly not my strong point, nor do I lead a life of decisions made for me based on random chance, thanks to a pair of cubes. Though I would happily recommend both of these blogs for those seeking intelligence and a different view of things. And for the sake of another shameless plug, feel free to check out the musings of a drifter-kinda-guy.
Regardless, I cannot say that my blog will take such an approach. Rather, I'm likely to simply give my view on whatever I feel like doing so at the time. Not to rant, nor to lecture - simply to speak. As such, this blog will be a mixture of odds and sods, acting as more of an open diary than a sprawling epitaph of focus.
But as my passion is, inevitably, live music, then I would not count out the chance of detailed gig reviews. After all, I may end up as the editor of Kerrang one day. It seems to be the natural progression to take with a Zoology degree...
More to follow.
Average Ken x
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